No One Hears You Screaming..

5:37pm: Just to let anyone know I like never ever write in here. www.xanga.com/adair23 or All Emo Rejects for Leigh and thats it. lol. Just thought I should drop that .

10:01pm: ( Read more... )

8:35pm: Hey, I know I said I wouldnt write in here anymore...but I guess I lied lol! Today was awesome. A two hour delay, talking with my dream boy and having fun. Being myself as usual. I took a major brave step today and for once I was proud of MYSELF. Thats rare, honestly. Yeah I was reading Alys LJ and I relate to her so much its insane and Im so jealos becasue shes so much better at putting what she feels into words.But theres always a dark side to good days. Today definatly had one but Im just going to block it out, forget it bcuz today was so utterly perfect. I just sometimes have to realize that good things can happen to me!
~Adair~

6:58pm: Today was average. Ya no a little bit of this and a little bit of that then BAM the day is over. So thats all Im going to say because Im not sure anyone cares.
~Adair~

3:39pm: *I just want...



...somewhere I belong*

7:23pm: Welcome...TO MY LIFE

7:17pm: To Be Kicked When Your Down

I just dont think Im STRONG enough anymore.

You dont know what its like.....TO BE LIKE ME

Sometimes you have to hold in your tears and just pretend that everything is ok.

8:19pm: I erased that poem that I wrote last night. Me no like lol! Plus if someone read between the lines of that they would know way too much!

~Adair~

5:59pm: Pics...



Blake...great friend!



Me and Kelsey



Yum? I think that sums up my feelings about him...



Tasty!



Drew!!! Yeh hes awesome!



Aly!

5:12pm: Today was so-so. The ususal. Kinda still in that sadness funk. Hope I can shake it soon...it just seems like some peoples lifes are so perfect and mines so blah. So lonely. I dunno how to explain. I look at those people with a great amount of envy then I realize they are probably just like me. So happy and perfect on the surface wiht the perfect life until they get home and let the real them out. Just a thought. I saw the most gorgues guy again today. I love this boy...
~Adair~
**Are you stuck inside a world you hate**

it would seem as though I am

3:00pm:









Yeh Im going to marry that man....

7:47pm: Is it weird that I think alot about what people would do if I was gone, say if I died? Would people cry on the outside and secretly not care about me. Would anyone even notice or would I just be another casulty in the mix of things. A bump in the road for most people. Maybe not. But yet who nows. Weird thoughts lately. Its just so weird to feel on the inside like your worthless. I mean no one would know I feel this way, on the outside Im the ideal girl. Im happy, cute and smart. Im fun and Im loud. And I have soo many friends. But I wish some people would take the time to look and see. Theres a big hole in me ...and Im so sad somedays. Enough whining. Today was pretty darn good. Went to the mall and such. Sometimes I feel so left out with Rachel and Aaron. They have their own happy world and they are lucky. I dont belong there.
~Adair~

**She pleads to be let go, shes grown up, but she longs for you to hold on because she cant do it alone anymore**

2:41pm: I lied. Im back writing here again bcuz so few people know about this that I can say what I actually feel. And I feel shitty. Really down. I dont know why either? I have an AWESOME life on the surface but the deeper you dig, the worse it gets. Somedays I wonder if anyone notices me, or to them am I just another passing nothing. A person not worth the space.

~Adair~


WOW. Isnt he gorgeous.

10:29am: Last entry here, just usuing Xanga from here on.

6:36pm: I almost feel bad for you
You messed up
And now you alone
Me and Her are both gone
So far away
Were untouchable
I see you in the hall
You look down
Your so ashamed
But so afraid to show it
So we let you go
I almost feel bad for you
But then I dont
Im so glad you did it
So glad I know
Your not worth the effort
Not worth the time
So take one last look
Because as far as I can tell
Your gone.
And to think...I almost felt bad for you.

6:18pm: Blocked Paths
Crowded hallways are the only way now
No other time will I see you
Struck from my life
Your invisable
You dont matter to me anymore
Bad dicisions corner you
And your trapped forever
No longer does the smile matter
Because your so disposiable
Not worth a second glance
Cant you see that your so worthless
A shattered glass and broken promises
Litter our path
And I walk around them and away
But you cant leave
So there you stay
Surronded by your mistakes

5:53pm: Lyrics I like....
Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down when
I'm only having fun
I'm gonna live my life (not the way you want me to)

I'm tired of rumors startin'
I'm sick of being followed
I'm tired of people lyin'
Sayin' what they want about me
Why can't they back up off me
Why can't they let me live
I'm gonna do it my way
Take this for just what it is

~*~*~

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo

~*~*~

Well if you wanted honesty, That's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks,
For photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
I'm not okay.
You wear me out.

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but still don't know what they mean
To be a joke and look
Another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time
Take a good hard look!

~*~*~
Fathers be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers be good to your daughters too

~*~*~
Take everything left from me
All
To
Blame
How can we still succeed, taking what we don't need?
Telling lies, alibis, selling all the hate that we breed.
Supersize our tragedy.
(you cant define me, or justify greed)
Bought in the land of the free!
(Land! free!)

And we're all to blame,
We've gone too far,
From pride to shame,
We're trying so hard,
We're dying in vain,
We're hopelessly blissful and blind
To all we are,
We want it all..with no sacrifice!

~*~*~
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
Don't walk away

~*~*~

5:19pm: Hey there...today was fun!!! Its another great day in the life of Adair. Im know your just dying to hear about it but I cannot go into much detail because I have HW in Honors. So I will break it up by hour

1st~Nothing really. I mean before hand I talked to some cool people but I walked to class alone which always sucks.

2nd~The usual. Talking to Brian, Big Dan and Lil Dan then working. Fun but nothing to to special to report.

3rd~Id have to say this was the funnest hour of the day, maybe of the week? We did the review game and me and Rachel finnaly struck back at Nikki Ward for being so imcrediably stupid and weird. Thats always a bonus. Karina is really nice! I always thought she was mean but Im so wrong lol. Then it was hilaruois to watch people make asses of themselves.

4th~Boring. Its Mr. Jones class. Anyone who has him with me or just has him at all knows that we do nothing. It isnt even a class its an automatic A.

5th~Pyramid this, hung out with Hannah and talked so that was fun.

6th~Watched Selena and got a lot of info about the weekend that Im not allowed to talk about...you'll find out Im sure!

LUNCH~HILARIOUS! You cant beat it. Well if Rachel would come back that would be good. But yeah hilarious. We are just dumb. What can I say?



Hmmmm thats all. Ya no, pretty typical. But yet fun. Im going out to eat tommorow with Laura and possibly Rachel. That'll be greaat! I just realized what time it is and truly how much HW I have...I better go do it and come back for more!!!

~Adair~

7:54pm: Hmm whats up with no comments? I have ZERO lately. I feel lame. Help me fell unlame lol!

~Adair~

**Goonight**

6:32pm: Can YOU fake it hard enough?
Those fake smiles cant hide it anymore
I can see right through you
Your eyes tell all the truths
That your mouth refuses to say
You know I can see it
So you turn away and run back to your "friends"
The people who you lie to with everyword
Its all I can do to stay back
You need to learn for yourself
And I'll let you
But I can see it all as my vision blurs
The tears fall and I to walk away.

6:24pm:

Your Husband Generator by Lady_Galadriel
Name
Your Husband Is
You Met	at a mates house
You Have	6 children
You Live	africa
In	a farm house
You And Your Partner Are Best Known For	the saucy picture you did for maxim
Quiz created with MemeGen!

4:34pm: This goes out to my very awesome friend Kelsey...
Oh what have I done? I messed up thats true and I just returned from my confirmation and I finally see your point. I understand now more that ever that you wanted to help Drew and in the end you helped me realzie so much.
I owe you for not backing down and shoving it out there
~Adair~

11:56am: Kelsey
I dont know why you felt the need to leave me that comment but you did and I guess Im just going to surrender, thats what you wanted the whole time anyway. Do what you want I just wanted to help you see that if you push to hard your going to lose a great friend. So please stop. I dont need to hear about it anymore. Its basically my birthday so try and forget. I deserve my days too.

10:06am: I belong only yo myself
I did it again
I left with a smile
Cuz I thought I was right
But I realized later
That somethings wrong with me
I cant stay put
I cant stand still
I belong only to myself
Not you, not them
So stand back and let me go
Cuz this time its all for me
I dont belong to anyone
Not now
Not ever
So stand back and let me go.

8:34pm: Its all being torn away so fast....
My heart sinks faster
And I know what Im doing is wrong
Its all being torn away so fast
I cant stop it
Will it ever stop?
Does the pain really ever go away?
Do you ever truly move on?
No.
Your will all
Be there forever
Stuck in a rut
NOT me.
I would not stay
So I left and you screamed
Becuase you finally understood
What you did to me
Seeing as I was finally gone
Forever.